This letter.

Published November 13, 2014 by Shreya Rajvanshi

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before,
I was so, so scared.
Scared of the fact that after I’ll go,
You’ll fall away like a loose thread.

I am sorry, for I won’t be there
To wake you up for school on time.
Or to prepare your lunch,
And drop you off at exact half past nine.

I won’t be able to ruffle your hair
And urge you to go on dates.
Tell you to be home by eight,
You’ll be grounded if you’ll be late.

You have no idea how much I want to
Be your rock during a fall out,
To hug you everyday and
Tell you that you’ve made so proud.

Only I know how much it hurts to think
That at times you’ll feel betrayed.
As if I stranded you intentionally.
But how I wish my fate I could change.

I want to go on the parent teacher meets,
And scold you for keeping your room messy.
I badly want to see you grow up into
A beautiful woman. Really.

I want to click the picture of
You and your date on the prom night.
To guide you through ups and downs,
To always be by your side.

I’m sorry, baby, but this disease is evil.
It is consuming me, eating me inside.
I’ll be gone before you’ll read this letter,
Before I’ll be hearing you cry.

I want to say that I love you,
And have loved you every moment of your existence.
Move on, be happy, make mistakes, regret, and,
Always remember this letter.



21 comments on “This letter.

  • Oh dear. Recognize the situation but I have never failed towards my children.. You can´t live with a bad conscience it´s up to you to take the steps, to decide , who else should do it. It´s a matter of choice and priorities. You have the responsibility. Sorry I can seem hard but we have the reality to live with also the rest of our lives. You have the love to give so do it! great write dear. ♥

    • But an 18 year old doesn’t see it that way. Yes, it is inevitable. Yes, you cannot help it. But the feeling of leaving your child one, the feeling of being without your mother will always nag them. It’s that nagging which I’ve put here. No matter how much love is present, the “what ifs” will never leave.
      I don’t know anything about being a mother, I’m way too young for that. But when I come to think of it, that if I’m ever in the shoes of the person writing this letter, I’d wish more than anything to change the situation.

      • You are still a child as I can see and I hope you one day will become a mother and stand up for those fine goals you have put up. It´s important for all life to grow with a secure mother and a secure living . Otherwise we shall not give birth to a child. . Take care. with love to you . Kerstin . A mother of two children.

  • H!, I framed a Letter, my oldest son (she was able to read it) wrote to his mother, cancer before her last breath. right now my eyes are covered with moisture–what a blessing, God’s gift, that time, was still there–just for the two of them.
    Wanda and I knew( blind Date) each other for a total of (Sat. night & the next day) 6 hours, when she said Yes–and then we kissed for the first time. Married for 59 years. I also told her in the same breath of the marriage proposal–I love you for the first time
    Thank You For Sharing, your Precious letter.
    Thank You Lord. “Amen”

    • Believe me when I say that I feel really touched right now. 59 years of being together would have been such a beautiful blessing. I’m so touched!
      Also, I’m glad that This Letter reached out to you in some way, I feel content.
      I’ve never felt or experienced any of what I wrote.
      Being an 18 year old myself, I’m yet to see the world and what I wrote, was purely what I felt in being the shoes of the mother.
      But 59 years? Wow.

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